Can't Breath

Its back, I am sitting here among people, who are smoking up dancing and having a good time and so am I until I felt it reach my nostril. The moment it did I was lost in myself once more. It isn't the first time so I can fake it better but it never comes with a warning, a reason, a hint and as always makes me lost in myself.

This has been happening from the past 3 years which was the last time It filled me up the last time I really loved the fragrance that I smelled off of you. I love the way you smell the same smell,odor, fragrance,perfume that keeps coming back out of nowhere I can feel  my face hurt as your scent touches my nostril, my inners crunch.

I know, my mind knows that you are no where close for the scent to be here. I keep telling myself that I am making this up in my head but it just comes out of no where and takes me by surprise and there I am lost again.

My friends who know about it think I am going crazy, that I am hallucinating or that i have already lost it or that I am being a super drama queen or that I should go see someone.  But I don't want to cause even though it hurts and pains I like it, long for it lust for it Its better than any feeling I have ever had, any time I ever spent in these past three years.

I know that I need to stop it, stop thinking of him but how do I stop something that I have no control upon How do I try stop something that starting to become a lifeline. I live you in my head every time it happens I live us when it happens .My skin burns but still I some where wish it comes back which it does because the burning sensation makes me live and feel more alive then I do.

May be you who reads his think I am crazy think I will never get over that person or never be with him anymore I wish I knew what I want